Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
