Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
