That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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