So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
