laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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