I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
