MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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