i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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