In the future we'll all be gay
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
