I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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