Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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