You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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