I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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