Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
