well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
