Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
