i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
