they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
