Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
