i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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