dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize