Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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