i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
