i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
