If i come over, it means nothing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
someone owes me an orgasm
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
