I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
