That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize