I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
