im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize