writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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