I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
