we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
