i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
