OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
