i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's like iHOP with fire
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
