I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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