everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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