i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
