how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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