im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
