Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
