I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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