chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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