No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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