i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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