so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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