TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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