dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
