Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
