Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
