idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
