So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
