So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
