where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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