I got chris browned last night
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
