Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
