this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
