apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
