They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
