I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
