Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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