how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
