oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
