I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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