im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
