I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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