nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
