over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
then he tried to convert me to islam
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
