so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
