Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
