What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
