Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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