Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
