somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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