I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
