she was so not down for the gang bang
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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