Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
