I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
