He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
