We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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