if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize