I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
