Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
