My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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