Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
