Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
