Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
