u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
