I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
