hotel room ftw
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who died my cat blue again?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
