The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
