I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
