i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
