This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
