i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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