yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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